“There doesn’t always have to a be a silver lining, sweetie,” my mom would gently remind with that sweet Tinkerbell smile of hers.
“I know there doesn’t have to be, but somehow I always find one” I would reply.
I have always been inspired by simple smiles, kind gestures, and the ability to find good in the world.I marveled at the book and movie Pollyanna. “I want to be like that,” I exclaimed to my family who sat gathered around the Disney Sunday night movie.
As a teenager, I would often write poetry about the human connections I would observe as I travelled the crime infested path to and from school each morning. I made friends with the elderly and the young families. I joked around with the gang members. I did stay away from the business people, though, because they never seemed to show any emotion, which I just could not understand. How can you be dispassionate in this crazy, wonderful world, I wondered.
The world is a place of beauty and joy and mystery and I’ve always had a reason to smile, even when it seems there might not be that so-called silver lining. Sometimes dark is just dark. And there’s a kind of beauty in that.
What I’ve learned, now well beyond my teenage years, is that there isn’t always something good in every situation. But there is always something good to be found nearby. The stars are able to shine in the dark, after all.
As I prepare for the annual Walk for MS, I do not believe that my diagnosis is a blessing or something to learn from. It is dark and I wish it was not my battle. I do believe my continued health is a blessing, however. And I am learning from this, but that is a choice, not some cosmic lesson benevolently bestowed upon me.
In fact, MS sucks, and I get scared all the time. I am not sweet freckle-faced Pollyanna grateful even when tragedy strikes. But I am grateful that I can live through tragedy, overcome tragedy, and always find joy somewhere. There is no joy in this awful disease. But there is joy in having loved ones to fight it with me.
The Northern Utah Walk for MS is September 10th. Donate here for any MS Fighter, including my team, Walking for the Princess, and smile, not because it’s a blessing to have someone to support in a fight, but because you can fight!